I got these balloons for my birthday, and wanted to share them with you…
I want to blog…
Well, that should be a given. But I’ve found that lately I haven’t gotten the bug like I used to. I’ve been with one host or another for around seven years now and in the beginning it was great; now I slip sometimes. And now that I have the bug I have very little to opine about (for once), but here goes nothing:
As you may or may not know, I’ve recently (a few months ago) started vlogging which, as it turns out, is FAR more segregated from blogging than I thought. I find that you can actually be more connected and intimate with the written word than you can with an actual face. How one punctuates says a lot about them. Look at the uses of full-stops, commas, and semicolons. If we’re getting really radical we may even be using tacks (-’s… they may have a name but it escapes me). I find little more amusing than when someone punctuates so well, I can get an idea of their speech patterns without ever meeting them.
There was more that I wanted to discuss… but I have to get some sleep before work tomorrow. More to come 
Xoxo,
Taylor
Living in a van…
Hello all,
I wanted to write about something that I’ve only recently started to plan. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, yet assumed I would never have the opportunity to do so. Well, I’ve decided theres no time like the present; and I’m setting my plan into motion. I’m going to live in a van!
Now, some of you may be thinking that I’m crazy (and you’d mostly be right); but this is something that I just feel I’m meant to do. And I have someone who’s going to do it with me too 
… We’ve been friends for a while and he’s heard me talk about this idea for so long that I think it’s grown on him. As I type this we’re discussing the logistics of keeping a cell phone active for the time we’re away.
Anyway, I just wanted to outline what my ideas were for you:
The vehicle: I’d like to find a Chevrolet Astro / GMC Safari at a minimum. I feel like a standard minivan would be too… mini. Ideally I’d like to find the van I almost had but lost: a 1999 Dodge Ram Van 1500 (I haven’t decided if I want a conversion van, or if I want to find just a standard passenger van).
The internet: Well, I have a smartphone… So that should do me just fine in that regard. If need be I can add tethering or whatever I need, but right now basic internet needs are covered. It’s not like we’ll have much time between working and everything else and sleeping to surf the net anyway.
The other: To be honest, my primary focus is on finding a van at the moment. I’ll be using that as my everyday runabout vehicle while the rest of the details are sorted out.
But wait!
There’s something else I wanted to discuss: the idea of clothing as storage. I recently purchased a “Marlon Brando” style leather biker jacket; which has a ton of pockets (off hand I believe it has six)… this w
ould be great for storing car keys, wallet, cell phone; stuff that would be needed often but I wouldn’t want rolling around the center console or dash of the van. This got me thinking: how else could I use clothing as storage? I could bring a hoodie or two, hang them off the clothes rack in the back of the van and use the pouches to hold pens/pencils, small notebooks, jumper cables. Once you think about it, sortage becomes kind of a nonissue.
Once you start thinking about what you’re storing, however, security becomes an issue. I, honestly, think I’ll be purchasing a knife to keep on hand (as this could also be used for opening cans or breaking seals and such). My companion and I will each have a key to the van, and it these will be kept on our person at all times, unless in the ignition. I’m also trying to think of light ‘stealth’ modifications I could be making. Temporary limo tint? Hang a shower curtain rod between the cab and the primary living space? I’d like to leave as little of value in the van as possible when it’s not being occupied. All this fun and more to come!
Thats all I have for you tonight, I just wanted to get some thoughts down on “paper”.
XoXo,
Gypsy
I graduate in a year this month…
I feel OLD. My expected (basically confirmed) graduation date is December of 2012 right before we all die. I’ll be walking across the stage to get my Associate’s of Art degree in Digital Media with a concentration on Digital Audio and Video Production. I have no idea what I’m going to do with this degree. After NCCC I’m taking a semester off and continuing to work my part-time job while saving up for my BS. I’m looking at a school a few hours east of my mother where I live now. I’m looking at Computer Information Systems with a concentration in Network and Information Security; I feel like this will get me the most money provide me with the best future and will make good use of my skills.
Also, having to make life-altering decisions at 1/5th my target life expectancy is horrible. I don’t know where I’m going to be when I’m fifty (hopefully retired)! All I have narrowed down is where I want to live, and even that has a great deal of bipolarity variance. I’d LOVE to live in Chicago, IL; when I visited there I left behind my heart, I can’t imagine living anywhere else and it’s the greatest place on Earth. BUT at the same time I can’t help but long for a big house out in the middle of nowhere (not the suburbs, I wanna be about three minutes drive from my neighbors). It’s so weird because I know what I want out of life right now, and I know that my goals are going to change radically over the next few years. It’s a very hard stretch of life, despite all the good parts.
Anyway, I have to get up early to go to the bank (so grown up), then school, then work, then maybe out with friends. And I’m getting back into vlogging (click here if you really, really love me and want to see me try and communicate my thoughts without a decent amount of editing).
XoXo,
Gypsy
Car -VS- Deer
Hi everyone,
So… Where I live in Western New York there is a very high deer population; more deer come through my Tim Hortons than people, seriously. So, as you can imagine, the age-old game of Car VS Deer gets played a lot.
Now, I’ve never played before, I’m not that into sports and varsity Car VS Deer is dangerous. But, every once in a while theres a pick up game. That’s what happened to me and my friend Mike the other night. A big-ass dear decided to launch herself into the side of my Pontiac, what a douche.
Now, luckily, all the car needs is $600 in bullshit bodywork. Now, I love my car, but I just can’t put any more money into the thing. I’m torn between a station wagon (Taurus/Sable wagon or a Subaru) or just something bigger. A van or a smaller truck or SUV. We’ll see when I start shopping.
Oh, and everyone is fine (except maybe the dumbass deer), and the car still works fine.
I’m way to tired to be writing in the capacity I had planned
XoXo,
Gypsy
A world without hate
Hey everyone!
I just read this article and it’s associated comments and I have to say, my opinion on this subject is complicated. While all hate is awful; be it homophobia, sexism, racism, or anything else for that matter; I have to say it’s helped shape who I am today.
Anybody who knows me personally, kindly stop reading now as I’m sure this post will include things you don’t want to know.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever spoken about my experiences with homophobia, which runs rampant in the New York town I live in. (If you’d like to read some of my story, try this post.) Anyway, when I started coming out in late seventh/early eight grade I wasn’t exactly well-received. There were some incidents of people threatening to bring a box cutter to school and cut my throat. It should have been more frightening, but I was so depressed at the time that I would have welcomed it. Yeah, I was that depressed at the ripe old age of what, 11? 13? There were many years of me hating myself and wanting to drop out of high school and being treated like a degenerate before I learned that I loved myself and that’s all I needed. Once that happened I met some of my very best friends to this day. I had very few people to help me during my darker periods, and if it weren’t for what I learned when proving to everyone that I wasn’t as weak and spineless as they thought is what led me to a lot of my present-day friends.
I’m not saying that I support hate in any way, I’m just saying that if you can turn it into a positive (which I’m not denying is inhumanly difficult to do), it can make you a stronger person. Unfortunately, it can also make you a very cold person. In all my years I’ve never had a real relationship because I can’t trust anybody intimately. It wasn’t until very recently (my last post) that I was even really interested in anybody.
No matter which way you slice or skew it, bullying and homophobia never have just a good outcome. While I’m stronger for what I survived, I’m also emotionally unavailable and scared. But I’m working on that.
XoXo,
Gypsy
PS: Sorry for the abrupt ending, but these are difficult thoughts to conclude.
Okay, no.
I’m not done for tonight. But I do have to pee. I’ll take care of that and be right back.
Now that that’s over, I can continue drinking my Dr. Pepper out of a teacup (It’s the best way to do that, you know). So I’m going to ask someone out soon; obviously I already know who but I haven’t worked out where yet. But this post isn’t about the date hoping and planning period, it’s about why I want to be with this guy.
Now, I’m one of those people who’s more attracted to characteristics than physical-istics. I’ll be attracted to the way a man carries himself more than I would be his face/musculature. As shallow as this sounds, there are also certain styles I find attractive. Not like I’m out there looking for A&F models or anything, in fact quite the opposite; but if I see a very neat, buttoned-down guy it’s immediately dead to me. I don’t know if it’s my laid-back upbringing or just my me-ness, but I can’t stand people who always look like they have somewhere formal to get to (and don’t bullshit me, if it’s more than jeans and a t-shirt or a hoodie it’s formal). If you’ve spent more than three minutes doing your hair and five picking out your outfit I just don’t find it attractive. I can’t explain it… let me try to use pictures
I can’t find any that properly illustrate what I mean
Shit like this. "All dressed up and nowhere to go but still casual" bullshit.
Also, none of this “I spend 500 hours a day at the gym check out my abs” or twig-skinny guy thing that seems to be oh-so-popular at the moment. Give me a stockier guy in jeans and a t-shirt, and we’ll be good to go.
At some point during writing this I fell asleep; not wanting to waste all the time I spent typing my rampage against “well-dressed” guys, I’m posting this and editing it tomorrow.
So allow for me to describe this guy to you. He’s a bit over six foot, stocky in build; he typically wears work boots, jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather biker jacket. To me, that’s sexy as hell what a well-dressed-man really looks like. In fact, it’s an image I’d like to persue.
One of the things I look forward to the most when going away to college is reinventing my image. I’m already loosing weight, and who knows? Maybe I can modify the general look to fit my personality.
Me, someday? Maybe? I DO really like that hair...
It’s at this point that I found Mystic Pizza on AMC, so I’m abandoning this post all together. Sorry.
XoXo,
Gypsy
I saw my blog on an iPad today…
I have that weird “special iPad theme” activated and today at school I actually got a chance to check it out. My friend Mike was at school with me today because we were going to Verizon after my class got out (I’ll explain why in a minute, just you hang on) and while he was in the bathroom I decided to jack his device (oh baby). I like it, I think I have more work to do on it though.
ANYWAY
So here’s why I went to Verizon:
The Blackberry that my last post was sent from? Yeah, it doesn’t work. It activates fine on Verizon and I can make calls and send dirty pictures texts and stuff, but the actual Blackberry services don’t work. Something about the phone having been used off Verizon’s BIS and it can’t be brought back. I don’t understand what’s going on there. I emailed the guy I bought it from (off of rape-’n'-murder R us Craigslist [just kidding Craigslist, I love you]) and he’s actually not being shady. I’m meeting him Thursday to take a look at a Curve he has and if I don’t like it he’s gonna give me my money back. Yay money! That money is going towards the purchase of a new Bold that I will buy whenever.
So basically, I have a crappy phone again. Boo.
And that really was my day; lots of phone calls to RIM and Verizon and a big headache. I’ll write again tomorrow with concert pictures
Loving you is easy,
Gypsy
So… This is from my Blackberry
Hey guys,
One final thought for today. I got a used Blackberry Bold off Craigslist and I’m re-adjusting to its blackberryness. I used Blackberries for years and after a few months I find myself painfully out of touch. More on what this means for you guys later.
Keep calm and carry on,
Gypsy
Because we need to have fire drills in college.
Hi guys,
I was on my way to the fourth floor of the library (where NOBODY all the cool kids go) to write a post about something (or someone, who am I to say?) when what do I hear over the PA system?
BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP
BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE
A FIRE HAS BEEN REPORTED IN THE BUILDING
PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEAREST STAIRWELL AND EXIT THE BUILDING
BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP
BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP
My first thought was “oh my god I’m gonna die” ”Why does the nice BWOOP BWOOP computer lady have a Brittish accent?” followed closely by “I have a will, right?” ”Where is it?” Yeah, I’m the heartless bitch who wants to know where the fire is so I can see if shit goes down. Sue me.
I’d like to take this moment to say that I don’t condone drug use, unless you really want to, then who am I to stop you?
My friend… we’ll call her Charlemange, is stoned like a Salem witch. It’s only pot, but she’s tweaking out. So I left the library and tried to find them. I feel like this story would be better if it were a vlog… I’ll embed it later.
ANYWAY, I went to try and hunt her down and by the time I got half way around the buildings we found out it was a drill. What a relief let down. So now I’m in the student center because I was too lazy to go ALL THE WAY back to the library and writing about this (instead of the unknown, unconfirmed someone I may or may not have wanted to write about. Maybe.) Oh well. I’ll post again later or something.
My photo class is cancelled so I mean, I could do something later; if you wanted me to.
XoXo,
Gypsy
PS: I’m thinking about switching up the signature of all these posts. I’ve got a few in mind but I’ll have to test drive each of them before considering whipping them out.
The completely mindless rambling post.
I had to take my computer back to Apple to get fixed and now it’s fixed and I’m really super happy.
Also, I got a new/old phone today. It’s a secondhand Blackberry Bold 9650 (PIN 322b3690) and I look forward to being able to activate and use it. ALSO, should I decide to switch mobile phone providers (to, say, one that rhymes with E Mobile) I don’t need to buy a new device because to my knowledge the phone I got is SIM unlocked. Yay.
So that’s really all I have for you tonight, there IS a story about my night in the ER but I’ll save that for when I feel like typing it all out.
XoXo,
Gypsy
NaNoWriMo?
Okay, I know I don’t write as much as I’d like to; and I tell you that at the beginning of every letter, but I may take a stab at NaNoWriMo. In fact, I just set up my account. The only problem is, I blow at fiction writing.
Actually, as I typed that I got an idea. What if I wrote a novel from an actual college student’s point of view? I mean, I’m sure it’s been done before, but every person is unique… I honestly have no idea.
We’ll see if this works out, but in the meantime that’s all I’ve got for tonight.
XoXo,
Gypsy
I changed my theme again. And I’m going to Maine (maybe).
It’s very red and black and angst-y. How fun. I hate changing the theme of my blog because I feel like everyone else who I read never changes theres. Back in my days on Xanga it seemed everyone changed their theme whenever the spirit moved them, and now nobody does.
Anyway, I hope to be keeping this one for quite a while. Now onto Maine.
As some of you may know by now, I have very strange aspirations in life; for example, I’d love to be a tollbooth operator. I don’t know why, I just want to have that job for a year or two. Maybe during my college years (oh wait, that’s NOW). I’ve also wanted to vandwell since I first learned what it was.
For those of you who don’t know, vandwelling is when you travel on a very limited budget by living in your van until you reach your eventual destination. Some may also refer to this as a hippie-trip. Could also be a Gypsy trip.
Anyway, I don’t currently own a van (ideally I’d get a late-1990′s early-2000′s Chrysler van of some sort (Grand Caravan SE, Grand Voyager SE, Town and Country; the ‘Grand’ models are necessary because they have more space behind the third row of seats), or an extended Pontiac Montana. I suppose something like a Chevy G20 or G30 would work as well, but I do have to live with this van for a few years after I live in it, and a work van probably wouldn’t be too practical once I rejoin civilization. Maybe an Astro van would work better, but now I’m off topic.
ANYWAY, the whole idea is a friend and I (he agreed to come before he even knew what vandwelling was) travel to Machiasport or Bar Harbor, Maine and live in a campground for a few weeks or so. Seeing as I’d like to do this after I graduate from NCCC, however, it might make more sense to travel to Florida or Louisiana for Mardi Gras (or, hell, even California. Who knows?).
The main reason I want to make this trip is because I spend so much of my life tied to a computer in one way or another, and it’s really getting old. While I’m still young I want to drop off the face of the earth for a while (not completely, fret not). When I was first thinking about this trip I was thinking I’d get a MiFi from Virgin Mobile so I could vlog the trip, but then I realized that it would be a great experience to put my associate’s degree to use and just make a…. documentary? I’m not sure if that’d be the right word for it, but something like that. I’ll bring my computer with me to import footage and maybe do some preliminary edits, but mostly I’d like to be able to “live” online using just my iPhone (hold that thought). I’d upload photos to Google+/Facebook whenever I found WiFi, maybe even upload one or two minute vlogs. Mostly I’d keep in touch with my family via Twitter. My wireless carrier (which rhymes with Schmarizon) got rid of unlimited data and, since I didn’t have a smartphone when they did so, I’m limited by my budget to 2GB of cellular data per month. This si good for dropping off the face of the earth, but not good for posting photos of such adventures.
d limit my other contact with people as well. Maybe only fifteen minutes of phone calls per month and a few text messages. Ideally if we ended up in the middle of nowhere somewhere we would be able to pick up temporary jobs and rebuild our funds. I’d like to save up around $3500 (not counting the cost of the van) to get to wherever we’re going. When vandewlling your primary expenses go from lodging, fuel, food (in that order) to just fuel and food. I know for a fact that 1997 Plymouth Grand Voyager SEs can make it from Niagara Falls to Pittsburgh PA on around half a tank of fuel, so if we drove greenly we could probably make it from here to Portland on just a few tanks of fuel (a few hundred dollars).
This is also the kind of thing that nobody really does anymore. Who would want to pack up and live in a minivan when you could stay at home with your TiVo and plumbing? People are so paranoid that they barely want to leave the safety of their homes and neighborhoods. I want to show people, either by vlogs or this blog (from my iPhone), that there are still adventures out there. With my next financial aid check I’m buying a tent and saving most of the rest, Mike and I (the other person coming) can go camping places around Western New York to get used to tent living before the trip so there won’t be many surprises once we get on the road. I keep wanting to say “when we get to Maine”, but that’s only one possibility. If we can save enough money or find temporary jobs wherever we end up, we may be able to hit quite a good chunk of the United States (and maybe Canada, who knows?).
Basically this is a “why not?” trip. I wish I had more detailed plans, but there aren’t any other than “do not pay tolls” (meaning don’t take toll roads, not run tollbooths). Maybe if I can hammer out some more details I’ll write them here. In the meantime, I have to get ready for my photo class and maybe move my car.
XoXo,
Gypsy
The internet is boring today
There ins’t any new content anywhere. I read through about 3 years of someone’s blog earlier (they had large lapses in blogging like I do).
In an area with so much access to whatever knowledge I wish to possess, how is it that there is nothing to do? Facebook is full of douchebags I went to high school with, Google+ is full of nobody, MySpace is a no-go, nobody I subscribe to on YouTube has posted anything good. Engadget and Gizmodo have been read and re-read a hundred times, none of my email interests me, my textbooks for the fall semester are already ordered.
Oh well. I’m gonna go watch television now.
XoXo,
Gypsy
I updated my computer today…
To Mac OS X 10.7 (a.k.a. Lion). Overall I have to say it feels a lot snappier than the beta I checked out a while back.
See, that’s all I really have to say about it. There was something else I wanted to talk about, but it’s not something I want posted on this blog. I dunno, I’ll have to do some thinking.
Anyway, an actual review of Lion will be coming once I’ve had some time to play with it.
XoXo,
Gypsy
Shut up and imagine a good title here
Bitter, self-loathing, emotionally damaged gay male seeking same for dysfunctional relationship; crying during and after sex; and a shared hatred of happiness. Reply to: 1-888-oh-eff-it. Must be able to type and deal with my four… six… okay twelve cats.
Yes dear readers, I’m feeling bitter and alone again. I don’t know why feel like talking about it though.
That’s a complete and total lie. I was thinking about someone. A guy someone. And an assignment I had to do for a class my first semester in college. I don’t know… he was the kind of guy who’s arms I dream of waking up in and feeling safe and warm, and all that shit.
I’ve now gone and distracted myself for a good 45 minutes because this is they type of thing I HATE talking about. I try to be all “I don’t need a boyfriend, I’m happy single” and such, but I really feel alone sometimes. Anyway, I’m gonna go to bed now.
XoXo,
Gypsy
Oh, and thanks for being there 
I don’t know how I feel about the new Google…
I mean, I like the new Google Calendar, and I like what I’ve seen of GMail… but something about the home page just throws me off. Eh well.
I think this is the most I’ve ever written so soon. This will be another random thought post because I’m about to fall asleep (hopefully by 2:30). How have you all been? You never would have caught me saying this back in high school, but I’m really looking forward to going back to school. I feel like I’m just wasting space over the summer.
I might be getting a job with the city of NT for the summer. As much as I hate the idea of employment that goes away after two months, I’ll take what I can get to buy some time (I’m so punny). I’m hoping to get a job cleaning hotel rooms (after the summer, of course). You can actually make pretty good money with tips and it’s not like the work isn’t stuff I do around the house anyway. I know I can’t work with food, I hate it; and I’d rather not enter the world of retail (although, I hear working for Verizon Wireless has some perks). On top of that, I’ve run the numbers and if I can get a roommate I can get an apartment in the complex I love (Raintree Island) for $377.50 per person, per month (plus electric and water, internet and phone). Awesome. And kinda not, if I move to Rochester I’d have to stick a friend with a $755 rent payment or wait a year after NCCC (which I want to do anyway). As much as I’d love to stay in Buffalo, there’s just no jobs.
And I’m starting to get really tired, so I’m going to bed.
XoXo,
Gypsy
I find it kind of funny…
That I never use my computer outside. As you know I use a MacBook Pro, and ponied up the extra cash for the non-glossy display; so why am I never out here? Frankly I have no idea, but in an attempt to publish more often, I decided to bring you this thought.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to try to fix my computer again because it’s broken again.
XoXo,
Gypsy
I don’t remember how to do this…
If only the job market here in western New York was, well, was. Continue reading
I hope this song will guide you
Hey everyone,
I know I keep saying this, but sorry I haven’t posted in forever. This semester is kicking my ass quite royally and I haven’t had time to breathe lately. Anyway, here’s a few quick updates before I dig into what I want to talk about tonight::
-I quite possibly need a new car. My oil and transmission pans are leaking, my power steering pump/line is leaking, some oil gasket is leaking, just a whole mess of stuff that I’m not sure I can afford to replace
-I got a job, then got fired (we’ll talk about that later)
-I’m trying to pick a school again, and I hate it
So, lets get started. I’ll begin with my job. I was hired as a closing sandwich artist at Subway (store number 27550, on US-62). Now, it’s not too difficult of a job. Closing the store is easy; count this, total that, mop here, sweep there. Making the subs, yeah I wasn’t great but after having been there for two weeks what can you expect? Subway expects you to be able to work on two sets of two subs, at the same time. Can you make four subs at once? I think not. Also, they leave people alone in their stores. I had been properly trained for a total of maybe 7 hours (keep in mind, my sister had three weeks of training at Burger King) before I was left alone in the store. Nobody ever taught me how to make bread, nobody taught me what kid’s subs were offered, or pizzas, or salads. I was barely told where anything in the store (cleaner, rags, etc…) was.
Not only did I feel unsafe being left alone in the store, I felt bad for the customers who came in. Why should they have to wait in line so long that some of them leave, just because Subway doesn’t care about their employees? And when people did stick around, the predatory management techniques make the job feel like working under a microscope. I had two girls come into my store, and I was pretty much out of bread. I had four, six-inch sections that I had to use to make what I called the ‘frankensub’. Also, my front line was running low and I had frozen bread thawing on the back prep table because I hadn’t had a free second to get back there and deal with it. As I was running around trying to find the supplies I needed, the phone rang. It was the area manager (and she made sure this was clear with her bitchy, holier-than-thou tone of voice).
“[Gypsy], those two girls you’re helping right now, are they friends of yours?“
“No, they’re not…”
[cutting me off] “Well it’s taking you an awfully long time to complete their order, what’s going on?”
“Well, I’m out of bread and running out of everything on the front line at once. I keep having to run to the back to check for things because the front cooler is empty.”
“What?!?! How are you running out of anything? Every time I look in the store you aren’t doing anything and there’s nobody there. How are you out of bread?”
Now, at this point, she’s basically accused me of stealing foot long loaves of bread. Don’t ask me how she thought this was happening, but I guess if you’re that paranoid. Keep in mind, earlier in the day I was personally blamed for the food cost at the store being too high. I was told “It’s your job to fix it”. She then had other employees of the store call in, holding me up even more. Later on that night I slipped and fell in front of a customer, and had to get the bleeding in my elbow to stop before making his sub. Pretty gross, right? But, there was nobody else in the store. I had a giant bruise on my elbow for a week and a half, I still have scabs, and I still have a, be it very faded, bruise on my hip that was originally about the size of a CD, maybe a little bigger.
Later that week I was fired. A relative of the area manager “just so happened” to be in the store when I ran out of bread. Basically I was fired for “making the area manager look bad”. Not only that, but I was consistently denied the 15-minute break required by New York state if one works a shift longer than five hours, and the 40-minute break required by Subway themselves for shifts six hours or longer. I simply couldn’t take a break without someone else there to handle customers as they come in. All in all, I’m almost happy I got fired. Between the lack of breaks and the predatory management, I’d rather sell my car than work there again.
Now, on the topic of my quest for higher education. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a digital media major. Well, there’s not as much money in that as I had hoped (not that I want to be super-rich or anything, it would just be nice not to worry), and all the good money are in jobs that I don’t really enjoy, at all. So, I’ve decided to finish out my AS at NCCC, and then maybe look at SUNY Brockport for Communications. I’d like to go the 4-year route this time because I’m more sure in this decision, and I don’t want to be coming in two years into my graduating class and have to make friends and such. I like the idea of being with the same people for the four years. Also, I’d probably be dorming until I could find a job (probably in Rochester) and get an apartment. I’ll have more information later on, but I would have to consider getting a 585 area code.
Now, that’s really all I wanted to talk about today. My spring break (yup) starts next week (yup), and a week after that we’re done. Hopefully I’ll be able to blog more this summer.
XoXo,
Gypsy
Rainbows and s**t
Hello everyone,
I don’t really know how to start this particular post. It’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for some time now but I never feel quite ready. It’s not really something overly easy to talk about, and it’s a little unorthodox.
First off, I’d like to answer a question I always get. People seem fascinated about how I knew. What happened that made me realize exactly what was going on?
Well, this is th
e most embarrassing part of my story, and for no real reason. I was laying on the bottom bunk of my bunk beds, with my window open (’twas summertime, after all); watching an episode of ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation” (I know, right?) and there came to a scene where Marco Del Rosi (played by Adamo Ruggiero) kisses Dylan Michalchuk (John Bregar) outside of The Dot the day after their first date (I think, the details are a little fuzzy). Now, prior to this I had never seen two guys interact in a romantic way. I had read about what being a ‘homosexual’ was, and knew the definition and all that shit (pardon my language, but I’m not changing it); but I still never really grasped what it meant for two men to be together until that moment. Here I am, in my normal little world, hormones just beginning to pump, and I see on The N, on my puny 13 inch television, two guys kissing, and dating, and holding hands and being involved. It was at that moment something in my young little brain said “that’s it, that’s what I want”. To this day I don’t know if I truly understood the repercussions of that realization. From that moment on my life changed. I knew something about myself that the rest of the world really couldn’t know.
I believe this was on a Wednesday. I think it was summer break before middle school (wait ’till we get there, it’s interesting). My sisters (well, step-sisters, but after being together for the past 12 years, sisters) we’re going
to be coming over and Kristen and I would be spending the weekend hanging out together, like we always did. Usually we would pass the time kicking/throwing playground balls over the roof of my house, or playing around on the computer I had in my room (I believe it was an Apple Power Macintosh 6100/60AV at the time). I remember she and Sarah (my younger sister) came upstairs and deposited their stuff in their room, Sarah went downstairs to watch TV and Kristen came into my room (where I was on the computer, hence sitting in my desk chair which was right in front of my window at the time) and sat on the bottom bunk (again, bunkbeds). I still distinctly remember this, which if you know me at all is a complete and total shock because I can barely retain what I’ve eaten for breakfast any given day by lunchtime. Anyway, I turned to her on my big, dark-gray swivel chair and said “hey, we need to talk. I’m gay”. And that was it. That was my grand coming out to my sister and closest friend. I think I followed it up with some question about what she had learned about gay people in church or something, but other than that, I was done.
Now, my sister to this day is still my closest friend. Without her I don’t know what I would do, or how I would have made it as far in life as I have. We’ve gotten through so much together and have such a strong bond, you’d think we were together since the day we were born. It wasn’t until recently that I (officially) told my younger sister.
(It’s at this point, at 2:41AM, that I decide to go to sleep. I’ll work on this draft during my several hours of downtime tomorrow at school.)
I’m back, now where were we? Ah, fifth grade. The rest of the year was pretty uneventful, but how much more excitement could I really have handled at that point? So we skip ahead to 6th grade. At Lowry Middle School, where I developed my first ever crush! I don’t even recall his name at this point, it was so long ago. I do remember, however, that I literally have never spoken to this child. Ever. I believe he was in eighth grade while I was in sixth, but again I could be wrong. he was a ‘goth’ (well, a mall goth) and I was just starstruck without him being famous. I would later come to realize that there really was no basis to this attraction. He was attractive for no real reason. Sixth grade was for the most part uneventful. Except for one thing. Which we’ll discuss later on, when we talk about my life today.
Near the tail-end of sixth grade, we learned that Lowry Middle School would be closing down. In stead, we would all be bussed across town to Rezel Middle School, or North Tonawanda Middle School, as it was renamed that summer. I don’t think anybody really made the transition easy. There was a long time in which there were basically race wars as Lowry students tried to retain their identity. As a funny side story, you could tell for a long time who was a Lowry kid and who was a Reszel kid by watching at lunch. You see, Lowry had a somewhat small cafeteria, so the lunch periods were split in half. You had fifteen minutes to come in, get your food, and eat. So, the first day at NTMS, and all of us Lowry kids are done eating within 10 minutes and had nothing to do for a half hour.
Seventh grade was okay, I met the guy I would loose my virginity to (well, never said this was a family-friendly blog), and two good friends whom I would keep in contact with throughout the remainder of my middle school career. During this time I would also meet the only person who ever rejected me due to my sexuality. His name was Dave, and a few months after I came out to him he decided he couldn’t deal with it, and stopped talking to me.
As I said, seventh grade was okay; but then there was eighth grade. Now, eight grade is really when I started identifying as a gay man. It’s not that I was still unsure up until that point, but I never really thought about my sexuality. I ended up trusting someone I shouldn’t have trusted, and he told the worst possible person to tell. Now, it wasn’t his fault. And I know that sounds strange, but he explained the situation to me. It was basically just a slip. It had happened to me before, it’s happened since then, it happens to everyone. I wasn’t really mad at him. The person he told, his name was Bobby, and he tormented me. Spread the news around, and basically just destroyed my life. To this day, my first year in college, I’m scared of meeting new people. It got so bad for a while that I was considering suicide and injuring myself; it was also at this time that another student was threatening to bring a box cutter to my school and slit my throat, as I said I was suicidal so I never said anything, thinking “Hey, at least I won’t be here anymore”. It was during this time that I decided “if you’re going to cut me down for being a ‘fag’, well then I’m just going to be the best one I can, just to piss you off.” It was around this time I adopted my shameless attitude.
This was also around the time I entered my first relationship (mentioned above). He and I would remain close for a year or two. You can imagine what we did, and what we learned from each other, and how the relationship ended is something I choose to forget. He and I planned a life together. We were going to get cars, move out, and live together forever in holy matrimony. Or not. We were in seventh grade, it would never have worked out.
This was also the time I’d meet one of my very good friends through sophomore or junior year in high school. I don’t remember the circumstances under which we stopped talking, nor do I remember exactly when that happened.
Now that we’re on the topic of high school… Wait, first let’s jump back to middle school. I came out to just about everyone I’m still friends with in middle school, save for one of my closest friends whom I told in high school. Now, back to the latest chapter in my life to close. High school rocked and sucked all at the same time.
As it is for most people, high school was when I really learned what was important to me. Lets break this down by year (more or less). Freshman year is pretty much gone. I don’t remember any of it. However, my first conscious memory of my best friend ever, more of a sister really, Rosie is from freshman year Eighth grade, never mind.
Sophomore year I met two of the people who would more or less shape the rest of my life. My Spanish teacher, Ms. Paul, and the woman I would come to call Momma Follendorf, my Computer science and eventual Career and Financial Management teacher. One of them would help me figure out just how much I have to give to the world, and the other basically handed me my future profession on a silver platter. I also started having severe anxiety problems during this year, but I started figuring out more and more who I could count on. This would also be the year that I learned about how my body was betraying me, but that’s a different post (<– will be a link when the ‘different post’ is written).
In the middle of my high school career I really started loving the gay side of myself. I discovered the community that would accept me for who I am and who I love, it was great! I tried to show my pride any way I could, without outing myself. I developed one of my first stop-dead-in-your-tracks-and-hold-your-breath crushes my sophomore year as well. His name was Zach, he was on the football team. I, being an overweight closeted gay kid with JRA in almost every joint was awestruck. This attraction was short-lived once I realized what an ass this particular child was. Also, he was in my gym class, so yeah.
Sophomore year ended pretty well. I was drifting away from one group of friends towards a slightly smaller, closer one.
[This part is a little out of order. It was a hard year]
Junior year, however, my life pretty much imploded. My step-dad, the only father figure I had ever had, passed away.
Cancer. It was a shock. We thought he had beat it, but then a few weeks later he was gone. My mom took it pretty hard, he and I had always hated each other so I was able to move on pretty quickly. It was then that I just sort of lost control.
Back at school my grades were falling, I was working hard in the studio from 2:45 until 6, 7, 8 o’clock at night. I learned more that failing year than I ever have before. I started trusting again, I stopped being afraid to be myself and I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was here to stay.
I fell in love. With the tall, blond football player sitting next to me in physics class, which I failed by the way. His name was Sean, and he was the only reason I stayed in the class after I realized it wasn’t the right place for me. I ended up doing so poorly I didn’t even get to take my final exam. But I got to see him every day. Obviously I never acted upon or voiced my feelings to him. I was perfectly content with an awkward working friendship until the end of the year. However, like I said, it was a hard year, and sometime around when the shit hit the fan, I made a bad choice and ended up alienating him. Not that we were that close to begin with, I just made a proper ass of myself.
This was also the year I would meet another football player by the name of Mitch. We’ll discuss him soon.
Now, clearly Senior year is the one I remember the most. There were some good times and some not-so-good times as I was being thrust towards the real world. Good time: I finally developed a sense of pride in the neighborhood I come from in the city of Buffalo. You see, the Mitch mentioned above made some comment about me being “straight outta the ghetto”. It was at that moment I realized how ignorant people can really be. Don’t know why I threw that in there, just thought I should. I also started feeling pride for myself. I realized everything I had lived through, all the shit I’d put up with had only made me stronger. I wasn’t exactly screaming “I’m GAY” from the roof of my high school, but I wasn’t denying it if people asked anymore. I figured the only way to find and connect with someone who might be interested was to put myself out there a little bit. Now, I never did end up getting a date my senior year, but I’m still hopeful that somewhere out there someone is interested in introverted, overweight, gay bloggers. There are people out there like that, right?
Now we’re fast approaching today. I still have to come out to my family. I think one of my aunts knows, but I know for sure that once I say the words, I’ll never see a few people again. Not that I care. One of my uncles stopped caring about me a LONG time ago. I hope this jumbled mess of my autobiography as a gay man helped someone. Though I don’t really know how it would.
I guess that’s all for now.
This is NOT a tech blog…
That’s just what I always seem to write about.
Hello all,
I trust you’ve been well? I have, for the most part. I’ve just recently found out that Verizon Wireless will be changing their smartphone data services to add the compression of images and video.
You don’t give a shit.
I’m getting a new phone, and moving on.
I don’t know why, but I find myself overwhelmed with the desire to do a gay vlog. Now I only have one YouTube channel, so I can’t really do that, but I can still write. And I think that’s something important. I can write to you all about things I can’t talk to my YouTube subscribers about just yet.
(Alright, can I be honest? Right now I’m pretty sure my only subscribers are [checking YouTube]. NO ACTUALLY, I do have a subscriber who isn’t a close friend! Anyway, So there’s him, but I don’t feel comfortable doing anything gay-related on YouTube just yet).
Basically what I’m trying to say is, as sleep deprived as I may be and as easy as it is to make videos (when compared to trying to write something understandable by humans), I’m not abandoning my blogging roots. I still get a kick out of seeing my thoughts and life story spread out in serif font.
Also, I can write about things that I couldn’t really make a video about. For example: I’ve been drinking bottled water lately. For those of you unaware, that’s very unlike me. I don’t even know why, but once they’ve been out of the fridge for a few days it’s delicious (perhaps I never drank it before because my sensitive teeth? I don’t really know).
Anyway, I’m going to close out this post, and do a new one about my coming out story (something I’m still in the process of doing).
XoXo,
Gypsy
The ongoing ramblings of a community college student
Hey everyone!
I’m sitting here in the library waiting for my Psychology test (class starts at three, it’s our first test) and I thought to myself “Self, it’s time to actually DO something whilst sitting here”. So I’m writing again to you all.
I’ve bade a somewhat important decision, and as usual I thought I’d run it by you all. As much as I love digital media and as passionate about it as I am, I’m concerned about finding a job in the field. My dream has always been to start my own business doing that sort of thing, but I was thinking I’d pull a dual-major in CIS as well. No, not Crime Investigation Scene, Computer Information Systems.
Just with my Associate’s degree I could easily find a job around $32,000 a year, which would probably support me until I’m ready to continue my education, probably in around two or three years. The dual-major would mean that I overlap 3 semesters of work (I’m going to be working on my Dig Media degree for 5 semesters, the CIS should only take 4). I’m not sure if that means I’d be graduating twice, or what, but it would be a lot easier to start a business when I’ve a job that can support me (and maybe someone else? I can only hope). This whole planning the rest of your life at the age of 18 thing really sucks.
I mean, I’m still passionate about production, but I also love the work that comes with CIS. Troubleshooting, building networks, managing a fleet of computers; it’s really all shit I do for fun.
Pardon my grown-up language, I’m Irish and the grandson of a sailor (I learned from the best)
Eh well, I should head to class now so I can knock my test outta the park, or not because I blogged instead of studying.
BLAHHHH
XoXo,
Gypsy
A Rose for Emily
At least, that’s what I’m supposed to be reading. Page 115 of Kirszner & Mandell’s Portable Literature – Reading, Reacting, Writing (Seventh Edition). However, I’ve got something better to do.
Sit here and talk about how you can get iPads from my school library. You can only rent them for two hours, but still. How cool is it that you can rent a great… erm… study tool? I doubt that’s what almost any of them are used for.
I mean, if I were to rent one of their iPads, I would sit here and blog for two hours with it. (But I guess it’s pretty cool, because one of my breaks in between classes is two hours, and the other is three)
Anyway, I should start that reading now. Except I forgot my external harddrive, so I don’t actually have the assignment with me.
Hopefully it’s somewhere in my e-mail
XoXo,
Gypsy
My needs have changed….
Hello all,
I’d like to start by saying that I’m vlogging every day in February, or VEDIF. If you don’t have my YouTube info, it’s linked here. It’s just a lot easier for me to shoot and edit a little bit than it is to try and find the time to sit down and write in a way that doesn’t make me look like a twelve year old.
Anyway, on to the real purpose of this post. You may recall a while back when I was talking about buying my laptop that I said the model I got fit my needs perfectly. Well, not anymore. I’ve noticed that the first thing I purchased for it should have been a second display. Now, I don’t need one 24/7. Right now its working out perfectly fine; but its when I’m editing in Final Cut Pro or Screenflow, or doing web design in Adobe Dreamweaver; all of these programs take the full display and I’m rarely doing just one thing at a time. Usually I’m chatting on Skype (just text, if I tried to video-conference and edit or design my computer would explode, I need more RAM to do that), listening to music, and monitoring my e-mail client.
Basically, I do more than 15″ worth of stuff, and do so often.
Oh who am I kidding? This isn’t what you guys want to read. Not to sound self-centered, but you probably care more about what’s going on in my life on a bigger scale than just my computer. My mom’s boyfriend, John, is moving in with us. He’s in the process of getting everything moved over and he’ll start living here full time when he gets a car. Many people have asked me many times how this makes me feel, and I think it’s great. He’s funny, kind, and just crazy enough to fit in with Ma and I perfectly. That, and, well…. I’m moving out.
Nobody knows it yet, save for my cousin and my good friend Mary. A close friend of mine has fallen on hard times and asked if, after I find a job (still looking, by the way), I’d be willing to get an apartment with her. Right now she’s living on her friend’s couch and that’s clearly not a long-term solution. John moving in allows me to move out without feeling guilty, or like I’m abandoning my mother. It’s not that I don’t want to live with Ma and John, it’s just that I feel it’s time for me to move on. Help out a friend, maybe find myself a relationship? Lord knows that’d be nice.
On the car front, I’ve decided to sell my car come employment and summer vacation. I understand that once I can get over this hump of everything breaking it would be fine, but I feel like I’ve put far too much money into the car already, and I’m done. I no longer enjoy owning it, driving it is still fun and listening to music still works (I could NEVER own a car without a working CD player, I’ve got too much music).
I’ve decided to look into a Ford Taurus (post 1996) station wagon (or a Volvo or Subaru wagon, if I can find one in good shape for a price I can afford). I miss having the room I had in the van, and I like driving cars more than trucks/SUVs/vans. The only thing is, I could never get a subcompact/compact car. I bottom out around midsize sedan (my 1998 Grand Prix is as small as I could every go).
I don’t know, life has been crazy lately. I feel like I’m getting behind in school, but I’m not. I’ve only got some reading and two short writing projects/assignments to do and I’ll be caught up. I’d much rather be ahead, but I’ll work on that next weekend.
OH! I’ve also learned that my good friend and fellow blogger Rosie (linked here) is moving back to New York! I definitely can’t wait for her to be in the passenger seat again, and I look forward to her taking the driver’s seat as well.
Well lovies, that’s all I really have for tonight. I’m tired and I’ve got Train playing in iTunes so I’m going to go relax now.
XoXo,
Gypsy
